twenty-six

i’ve handled myself as if i weren’t your son
my ties to you feel as if they’re water, & not blood
the ache has swelled, as if i’ve struggled, but it’s won
i’ve given in, as if you’ve left my chest to be overcome
tears have bred, as if droplets could bring back her oceans
my stomach can’t handle it’s fill, as if food were an infection
i’m overcome, as if it was you that put me in this fetal position
i recall your heart being in what i cherish, as if i knew your perfection
but i also recall when i behaved as if you weren’t part of the equation
memories are heartless, as if hers & your own were removed from each one
i know my sins, but would you let them grow arrogant, as if they cried “it is done”
my pale skin is nothing to you, & you know me as if i had none to veil my heart & lungs
would you peel it away, & let the birds clean my bones ’til there’s nothing left but my ribs
then the hollowness could match, & your eyes might take notice of how splintered i’ve become
these frail eyes can’t make out any light at the end, as if you swallowed up the sun
it’s getting harder to open them, as if your hand set weights on their eyelids
i’ve been struggling just to raise my head, as your fingers rest under my chin
tomorrow has nothing better, unless my chin is wiped by your thumb
my God, do not leave me to my own heart, as if it had any salvation
you’ve broken my strong arm, & you’ve removed my arrogance
would you leave this heart you formed in tenderness in pieces
it still cherishes your little girl, even if you both have forgotten
it’s getting harder, but have your eyes noticed my depression
when will your thumb wipe these tears, hasn’t the time come
there’s trails on my cheeks, but your hands still let them run
would they lay me in my coffin, as if you weren’t my resurrection